self righteousness part 3
What if you still can’t give up wanting to be right?
Summary – In Part one and two I explained that in order to maintain a healthy relationship it is necessary to give up self-righteousness and how to do that. If you are still having trouble letting go here are a few things to consider.
In part one, we talked about how a relationship can be defined by a couple’s ability to give up their self-righteousness. Part two discussed how to do that with four points to take action. If forgiveness is not within the realm of possibility for you, consider at least letting go; this can be done by asking the right questions. You can find your own specifically, but some examples are:
- What purpose does the negative things I hold on to serve?
- Do they help me get what I want in my life or relationship?
- Do they add to success or happiness in any way in my life or relationship?
- How do I benefit by choosing to remain a victim? (To take this a step further: Do you think you benefit from people feeling bad for you? Is it giving you payback?)
Excerpt from the book, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships”:
Suffering is almost always the only purpose for us to hold on to the negative past experiences we have. Knowing this makes it easier to let go. Once the first steps have been completed, ask yourself as part of the release, what would your life look like if you did not take offense to the other person’s actions? What would your life look like if you let go completely? How would you be moving on and having success, obtaining goals and finding happiness?
If you are finding it hard to forgive, you are choosing to hang on to some emotion. It could be regret, sadness, hurt, fear, guilt, blame, anger, resentment, revenge, or others. If you find out which one specifically you are holding on to, you can further discover the process to release it. Another step to help you release the energy is acknowledging any and all good things the person has brought to your life. In order to remove hate, find gratitude. Finding the will to let go is important for you to move forward and have success and happiness in your life, whether the people you want to forgive are with you or not; even those who have died you may need to forgive. Equally important is to ensure you are not repeating the pattern yourself. This is part of your evolution.
Recap from Part 2:
Keys to letting go:
- Finding Compassion
- Recognizing it as part of the past.
- Find how this experience has made you better.
- Find out how to contribute with the experience.
- The only thing that can transcend self-righteousness is being in love. The person who apologizes first is not necessarily wrong, but they are supporting their relationship more than their argument.
More on letting go of self-righteousness can be found in my book as well as essential communication exercises to help you and your partner move through disagreements.
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