Okay, you’ve taken the Profile in the previous blog and want to know what does it all mean? Below is a brief explanation of the two main personality types in relationships, as well as explanations of the questions in the Profile.
If you haven't taken it already click here to take "The Profile."
A person’s temperament and type influence harmony in relationships more than gender, age or social background. People have basic differences in their communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behavior. Once we acknowledge and understand these better, we can understand one another and create happier relationships together. Without understanding these differences, people will have difficulty effectively fulfilling the needs of their partners and finding contentment together, and they will continue to rely on luck in whom they choose for their next relationship. This book combines the psychology of personality types, as well as the psychology of why people choose the person they are with.
Unfortunately, most people can’t differentiate one another’s contributions this clearly because they don’t seem so obvious until you understand them. In most relationships, the individual personalities are as distinct as the cultures from different countries, but most people either refuse to acknowledge this, or try to change the other person. This would be like trying to make a foreigner into a native.
Often people are drawn together by their differences and expect to be challenged or stretched in the beginning of a relationship; however, they lose patience for this after the relationship has progressed. People with opposite types have the potential to appreciate, transform, and improve one another, or they can explode in frustration because of a lack of understanding and inability to relate.
Understanding your personality type will give you a better understanding of your actions and reactions within any relationship. This awareness will better show you why your failed relationships didn’t work, and how to choose partners more suited for you. It will also bring you further compassion and understanding for those you are currently in a relationship with, allowing for more harmony with them.
All great relationships are comprised of two distinct personality types that work perfectly together. The “Entitled,” is the one who, in the majority of time, takes the initiative, the responsibility, and has the vision for the couple’s actions. The “Support,” in the majority, prefers to support the initiative or vision mapped out by their partner. You will see how the Entitled takes care of the Support, and the Support advocates the Entitled. They consistently do things for one another they may not have done in past relationships, because they fit together like a puzzle. Despite their differences, they have a take care of, and support ratio that meshes well together. While many people outside of this relationship may not get it, these outsiders are often the same people who can’t get a relationship to work for themselves. Chinese philosophy of the Yin Yang states that two opposing yet complementary forces lie at the base of how all things work; this model shows how very true this is in relationships that have harmony and points to what is missing in those that don’t.
It is important to note that, similar to being right or left handed, both qualities are present in all people, but you naturally lead with one over the other, which the profile helps you to define. The key is to find a partner who can match with you, allowing for natural harmony together as a couple. There are many things that can get in the way of your true nature, this book shows you how to discover that part of yourself. Once you’ve done that you can offer it to a partner that has the ability to accept it while fulfilling theirs. After having an understanding for this model and which type you are, with love, it is easy to find this same harmony and contentment with a partner who may not be a natural match for you because you will both know where to shift to accommodate one another.
To learn more download the introduction of the book here:
It is important to note that neither type is better or worse than the other, they both offer different (positive and negative) aspects, and the names of the categories do not imply anything either good or bad. (These explanations below includes two of the six subcategories of “Selfish Entitleds” (SE) and “Blind Support”.)
1. Do you prefer to be the center of attention, or would you rather someone else to provide the entertainment, information, conversation, or action?
In most cases if you like, and especially if you need to be the center of attention, you are an Entitled. This is behavior typical of thinking of yourself before others. Thinking of others first often would include taking the attention away from yourself to let them lead, which would be categorized as Support. If two people are competing for attention, this is an indication of two Entitleds together. (Chapters 3, 10, 12)
2. Do you feel that unless you are leading, nothing is being done properly?
Entitleds, as leaders, have a difficult time letting go while someone else is leading. They often think of where things could be done better, or where something could go wrong when others are leading. Supports often can easily wait for direction from a leader and will take comfort in that process far more than an Entitled. (Chapters 1, 3, 11-14)
3. In life, in most situations are you a “guest,” or a “host?”
Hosts go after what they want, and guests wait for someone to bring it to them. Hosts initiate conversations and new relationships. Hosts execute ideas. Guests are often shy and tentative, while hosts move forward despite risk or discomfort. Guests might tend to hesitate when they want something, feeling that possibly someone else deserves it more.
Entitleds move through life with a certain ownership of the space they occupy more than Supports. Supports seem to wait for the Entitled to make a move and then follow through once the lead has been set. That is what being a guest or a host means. This goes for introductions, pursuing work, career, relationships and other desires.
Examples include how Entitleds more typically go after what they want, while Supports hesitate. Entitleds typically initiate new relationships and conversations. Entitleds execute ideas more than Supports do. Supports typically come up with ideas they want to do with others. Supports are typically more timid, while Entitleds place more importance on working through their shyness and fears.
How deserving do you feel for the things you want? Subcategories of - “Blind Supports” often have ideas that others are more deserving than themselves, while “Selfish Entitleds” overcompensate for this, pushing to get more than they feel they deserve; which is part of why they are often difficult to please. (Chapters 1-4, 7, 16)
4. When you are given the “rules” of an organization, do you think, “That doesn’t really apply to me”? Or do you follow the rules as strict guidelines, even changing the plans you had before knowing them?
Entitleds often bend rules at will, to satisfy their needs. Selfish Entitleds act on behalf of their own rules, even overcompensating to prove they don’t have to do what they are told. (See also explanation of question number 16.) Supports will often change plans if told by another person they can’t do something. (Chapters 3, 5)
5. How often do you find yourself excusing people for inappropriate behavior against you?
It takes a lot for Supports to speak up because they tend to avoid confrontation. The important part of this question is not just noticing bad behavior but either excusing it or confronting it. Supports often excuse it, allowing it to occur again, even though they would like it to stop. Entitleds, especially Selfish Entitleds, will usually confront someone when they are rude. (Chapters 2, 4, 6, 16)
6. Do you emotionally take on the problems or stress of others when they confide in you?
This is more typical of Supports. A Support will often jump right in the boat with others who are feeling bad. This is why Entitleds often call Supports in times of sadness as opposed to calling other Entitleds. It is important for Supports to remember to consciously take on people’s successes rather than their failures. Nothing good comes out of giving someone such extreme empathy that you feel terrible yourself. (Chapters 2, 6, 15, 16)
7. Do you either create, enjoy, or instigate drama, chaos, problems, or other negative situations for yourself or others?
Usually the more drama someone has in their life the more Entitled they are. It could be just dramatizing your own stress to others. All of the Selfish Entitleds I have worked with have a high amount of drama surrounding them. Drama surrounds SE’s because they do not believe in themselves, in who they are, that they are loved, or feel insecure in the position they are in, so they always have to prove themselves. Drama is often the easy way to try and do so, or at least create a distraction, so that people may not notice their insecurities. Drama is easy to produce and, in their mind, justifies their existence, the “love” they receive, or their importance to people. Drama produces a result. Selfish Entitleds often think if they make drama, and people help them, they are in control. It makes them feel that they are “leading,” they are “loved,” they are the source of attention, but it is all false. This is unjustified entitlement. (Chapters 3, 5, 14, 16)
8. When a person is upset, or feeling bad emotionally, do you want to help them in every way you can or does it mostly feel as though they are sabotaging your energy and they are bringing you down?
Supports often will take as much time as a person needs in order to help them feel better. Blind Supports will put too much of their energy towards this often feeling drained afterwards, while Selfish Entitleds will become annoyed when someone wants help from them unless something is in it for them.
Supports typically notice others’ emotional feelings better as well. They often can spot it from across the room, while Entitleds especially SE’s can live in their own little bubble unless they turn those sensors on to avoid someone, or get something they want. (Chapters 2, 7, 14-17)
9. How eager and open are you to hearing the other side of an argument and move off your point to help the other person feel expressed?
This is obviously more typical of Supports as well. Entitleds want to make their point, be acknowledged and then possibly hear the other’s point. Entitleds often assume they understand the other person’s point and see it as wrong, so in their mind, they have to get their own point heard.
Supports too often do not say anything about inappropriate or abusive behavior against them because they are thinking of the other person’s side. The communication exercises in the chapter on getting along will help to avoid this. Couples who get along great are always open to their loved one’s point or communication, and encourage them to express themselves. (Chapters 14-17)
10. When you are feeling negative energy, such as being upset or frustrated, how much are other people forced to deal with your mood? This could be verbally or with non-verbal gestures you make to try to force others to feel as upset as you are.
Projecting your energy on others is a sign of being an Entitled. When Entitleds are unhappy, especially Selfish Entitleds, they fall into the trap of wanting everyone else to be unhappy. They may use guilt or subtle hints of anger. The problem with this is that once they are happy again, which often comes after they have made everyone else unhappy, then they want everyone to be happy again with them. Often passive aggressive, this is highly abusive behavior. Any action to make others feel bad because they feel bad, is abuse. This is clearly an attempt to put everyone around them in sacrifice. It is part of a control issue Entitleds need to be mindful of. It comes from wanting to know they can control everything including other people’s emotions and the mood of the environment they are in. (Chapters 3, 7, 14-16)
11. If you had to pick either yourself or your partner, who is the “star” in your relationship?
The person who is the star is Entitled. This person has to be the center of attention and get what they want, when they want it. If you are both fighting to be the star that’s a good indication of two Entitleds together. (Chapters 1-4, 11, 12)
12. Who has initiated your current or last few relationships?
The Entitled usually makes the introduction, carries the conversation, initiates the first kiss, sex for the first time etc. This also includes a person who is covertly manipulating a situation to get the other to take more initiative. (Chapters 1, 2, 7, 16)
13. Who usually gives in to the other during an argument?
This is usually the Support. It is important to note that, when someone gives into an argument, it very often is in support of the relationship, not in loss of the argument. Self-righteousness is a quality of a Selfish Entitled and is suffocating to a relationship. One of the many important lessons learned in a loving relationship is the value of moving off your position for the greater good of those involved. (Chapters 11, 12, 16, 17)
14. In order to get what you want, under what circumstances are you willing to lie, despite any recourse outside of yourself? (This could include anything that gets you what you want exclusively from an employer, business partner, investor, spouse, girlfriend, parents, friends, etc.)
Of course almost every person tells small lies on a daily basis. This is more aimed at lies that give a person an advantage over another and could disadvantage the other in some way. This is not a lie designed to protect yourself or someone else. When it comes to getting what they want, Entitleds are better liars and more apt to lie to get the result they need. It is a simple matter of thinking of oneself over another. Supports are not usually good liars unless they are lying for someone else. (Chapters 3, 5, 9, 15)
15. Everyone likes approval and recognition but how often do you go out of your way or try to impress others or seek recognition?
As part of being in the spotlight, Entitleds often think of ways in which they can win the approval or get recognition from others. This does have positive qualities to it and promotes success in every field. It becomes unhealthy when a person bases their happiness on recognition or does this outside of their primary relationship. For example, that would be a situation where a man is more interested in impressing someone more than his own wife. It is also unhealthy when someone grows tired of impressing people who they feel are already impressed with them and just move from one to the next desperately looking for more approval. This is often the case with cheaters. Supports often enjoy recognizing others equally or more than themselves. (Chapters 3, 5, 16)
16. How important is it that you have influence over other people’s decisions?
Entitleds are more interested in having influence over other people and often get mad when their advice is not heeded. This surpasses influence and enters control. Selfish Entitleds are often controlling. Needing to be in control differs from offering an opinion or idea, which can be a healthy standpoint of either type. Blind Supports will often avoid giving an opinion out of fear of being wrong where as Entitleds will often give an opinion even when it is not invited.
These are not always questions you can honestly answer, so checking with trusted people around you for their unbiased honesty can be the best way to find out. Think of and ask about different situations. For example, with sex, do you sometimes tell your partner no to sex, just because you won’t be in control of when it happens? After you tell them no and they accept, then do you want to have sex? This is typical behavior of someone who doesn’t want to be controlled, and who wants to have control. Do you have to be in charge of what your loved one is doing while you are not there?
Another way to know how you feel about control is how easily you accept what is told to you about the way things have to be. Entitleds are challengers, especially to authority figures. Do you disregard what people say and think the rules don’t apply to you? This is what makes Entitleds move forward on their path, have follow through and vision. It is also why they behave argumentatively, get in trouble or disliked. Thinking of yourself makes you challenge others, not support them. When someone says something that is perceived as taking control away, Entitleds do not like it. When someone tells you that you cannot do something, what is your instinct about what they are saying? If your instinct is to prove them otherwise, you’re most probably an Entitled. (Chapters 3, 11, 12, 14)
17. Do you often have the feeling you are missing out on something? That there is something better going on outside of where you are, or that you could do better in relationships, situations, work, fun, entertainment, etc.
Entitleds can often feel as if there is a better place for them to be. In relationships thinking that there is something better out there is abusive. This is the opposite of the support or care that a relationship requires. That is, unless thinking of a better place encourages one to exit an abusive relationship or work environment. Outside of that, a conscious practice of being in the moment will help you achieve happiness individually as well as in a relationship. (Chapters 5, 14, 16)
18. Do you find yourself criticizing many things or other people? Often thinking how you would have done it better.
This is Entitled. Supports see wrong and want to help or advise; they sincerely advise to benefit other people, not to make themselves look smart. Often when Entitleds are advising how they would have done things better, they are doing it to show how smart they are. There are clear differences between advice and criticism as well as when advice is welcomed versus inappropriate. These can be assessed through insight as to whether or not a person is ready, open or even interested in input from others. Advice is often encouraging while criticism is more often the opposite. (Chapters 3, 5, 11, 14)
19. Most of the time, do you truly listen to what others are saying, or are you just waiting to make your point?
Of course this will vary in different conversations, but the question is aimed at what you do under normal circumstances. Entitleds often just want to be heard or make a point; they are typically not very good listeners. People who are “know it alls,” or experts at everything are in most cases Selfishly Entitled, or Support masquerading as Entitled. They are looking for recognition and will do anything to get it, in order to overcome their feelings of insecurity. Most of their actions are based on what they think people will think of them. One of the many problems with being around a person like this is they often have to make themselves appear to be smart by putting others down. If someone has deep-rooted insecurities about needing to prove their own intelligence, making others look dumb can be a main weapon in their arsenal. Any time you feel you need to prove yourself you are entering into Entitled behavior.
When in conversation, Supports are physically more animated. They want to make it clear that they are “with” you, showing you they are listening and supporting you. Supports are also highly intuitive about what other people are feeling without them having to say anything. Often they can feel people’s emotions from across the room. Entitleds (especially Selfishly Entitled) are more likely to just wait to express the point they want to make without noticing the other person’s body language. If you are upset, and yet tell an Entitled you are happy, he might just believe you. Selfish Entitleds often do not relate very well when you are having a difficult situation, but they want everyone to completely relate to them when they have one. (Chapters 1-4, 11, 16)
20. Have you tolerated abusive behavior in a relationship?
You must be careful as a Support about the type of relationships you attract because it is easier for your type to be bullied. Blind Supports are the people that are often receiving abuse. They usually will support anyone and everyone at any time; which is why they are so often taken advantage of. These are the people that go from one abusive relationship to another. Much of this is caused by an abusive childhood, which they are unknowingly trying to recreate because that is an environment in which they understand love. If you’ve even been a supporter of someone’s negative pathologies or accept abuse, that usually indicates that you are a Support, and most probably in the subcategory of Blind Support. (Chapters 3-6, 11, 16)
There are further explanations as well as indications as to what type a person is in chapter seven and eight in, “The Power of Personality types in Love and Relationship”
Six pillars to establish a healthy relationship:
1. Knowing yourself. This includes knowing how you express and accept love and appreciation. You will learn what you should expect from a partner and what you can offer. (Chapters 1-8)
2. Committing to personal development and growth. This includes giving up self-righteousness and ego for the sake of love. (Chapters 11, 14-17)
3. Understanding the importance of give and take. That is based on what you are naturally capable of giving and what you should get in return. (Chapters 7, 11)
4. Using communication skills to achieve cooperation and understanding. (Chapter 11)
5. Practicing compassion and acceptance, which allows for appreciation of and adaptation to your partner; this comes from understanding your partner’s type. (Chapters 11, 16)
6. Recognizing your partner’s expression and acceptance of love and what you can do to offer your love to them. (Chapters 11, 14-16)
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