Not picking the same type after a breakup
If you look at your past relationships can you see many similar qualities in your ex’s, even though they were different kinds of people? If so, you might either be choosing the unhealthy version of same type, or you might just be choosing a type that doesn’t match for you.
As explained in the video, if you are choosing someone that doesn’t force you to grow, or is just easy to be around, then perhaps you should begin to look outside of your comfort zone. An easy example is someone who doesn’t want to get in shape so they accept a partner who is overweight. Then, down the line, they become upset because their life is stagnant, want someone to blame, and have an unmotivated partner.
Your “issue” might not be getting in shape but could be anything you are afraid of, or know you should change and don’t want to. Some examples are:
- Jealousy – (So you don’t choose attractive partners, but feel unmotivated by them.)
- Fear of abandonment – (Same as jealousy)
- Drink too much – (Choose a partner who drinks more than you but gets upset about it down the line.)
- Doesn’t have a solid career – (You know they are not working on their issues, so you don’t have to work on yours.)
A lot of this has to do with insecurity and self-love. Lets say I told you I have a partner for you that is just perfect. He/she has a great career, works out, always eats healthy, meditates, and always is improving him/herself, and is looking for a perfect person to be hooked up with. How would this make you feel?
Would your thought pattern steer you away from this type of person? Why? Is it because dating them would force you to make changes you are not ready for? And you wouldn’t want to step out of your comfort zone? This is an indication of choosing someone who might keep you stagnant and make you further frustrated down the line.
Would this make you feel as if this person would never like someone like you? If this is the case, then perhaps you are dealing with a lack of self-love or confidence in general. In this case get in touch with why you are a great person to be with, and carry that with you throughout your day.
Is your first thought, “yeah-right,” as if this type of person does not exist? Then perhaps you are dealing with a strong negative self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps you from finding this type of person.
Most of the best relationships I’ve seen are based on two different types that respect one another and therefore motivate each other to step out of their comfort zone. Complementary relationships are those that are two different types that force growth upon one another. So like two pieces of a puzzle, although they are very different, they combine well. There are bigger compromises in this type of relationship but more growth.
There is no “wrong” combination, but moving forward you might need to do something different than what your past instincts have told you. Knowing your personality type, in my book, “The Power of Personality Types
,” allows you to go after the changes you want for your relationships because you know the characteristics each. Having awareness for these types allows you to be more in tune with who will be a great long-term match for you going forward.
As an exercise, think which relationships you had that were mirrors, and which have been complementary? What was your experience in both? If you continue to pick the same type, have you been evolving at a satisfactory pace, or are you not evolving? What lesson do you keep missing and need to repeat? What problems is your ego trying to re-create just so that they can be overcome?
Insight to these and other questions can be found in Chapter 11 of my book as well as a further explanation of these concepts and the characteristics of “Uncomplementary” relationship combinations.
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