My friends are getting in the way of my relationship
Overbearing family, in-laws, or friends can have detrimental effects on an intimate relationships if a person is afraid to tell them “no”. Below is a technique for those who are people pleasers.
When a person is a people pleaser, it is easy for them to have friends, family or their boss interfere in their time with their intimate partner. This happens because they are trying to support two people at once. When you often choose to support another relationship over your intimate relationship you have a negative effect on your intimate relationship. This is especially important for the category in my book called “Blind Support,” and that is people pleasers.
A remedy for this is to create “primary” and “secondary” relationships. When you have to choose who to support, your primary relationship will always take precedent. This requires not being afraid to say “no” to your parents, siblings, friends, or anyone getting in the way of your intimate relationship.
Excerpt from the book, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships”:
When someone lends support to everyone around them, their primary relationship is diminished. Blind Supports feel guilty if they don’t assist their parents, friends, boss, coworkers, and anyone else in their life that wants something from them. Because of the lack of balance, they become worn out and irritable and build resentment instead of expressing their frustrations.
“Reformed Supports” are clear about who their primary relationship is, and any healthy Entitled will understand and appreciate knowing. For example, evolved parents would never expect their adult child to choose them over their own spouse. The spouse is the primary relationship and must be the recipient of the primary support. Too often Supports express their demands in a meek and needy way, instead of directly stating what they want, because of fear of confrontation. When they do express themselves, they often overreact with shouting because they don’t know how to express themselves forcefully without rudeness. This mode of expression has to change if they want to be clear who they are supporting to avoid this situation.
Supports are more prone to being manipulated by guilt and need to be aware of the destruction and unhappiness guilt can cause in their lives. Guilt could cause a Support to stay in an abusive relationship based on feeling badly about leaving. Obviously Entitleds have guilt as well, but typically they still take actions that are in their best interest as opposed to making decisions based on the guilt.
Establishing your Primary and Secondary relationships and being clear about this will prevent your outside relationships from effecting your primary relationship.