Communication techniques for couples.
Communication Techniques for Couples
Conflict is part of any healthy relationship. The only relationships I’ve seen without it avoid it unnaturally. We all even have conflict within ourselves that comes in the form of anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, unhappiness or anything other than love. Conflict should not be feared in a relationship, only unresolved conflict. If you run from it, it will eventually explode, or just be there in the next relationship.
Learning the personality types in my book will show you that we are absolutely different from each other, yet absolutely need one another, and thus the source of the conflict. Arguments amongst couples are often full of reactions, defensiveness, ego, and high emotions. The communication techniques for couples (and exercises) present a technique to escape this negativity and allow each person to express themselves.
People often have major differences in their communication styles, as explained in my book, “The Power of Personality Types.” When people are afraid of confrontation, especially the type in my book called “Supports,” they tend to become aggressive or make accusations without meaning to. This is evident when people begin to fight about what each person said versus what they meant.
There are also some communications that are very difficult to have so instead of facing them, one or both partners continues accepting abuse. Whenever a person is not expressed, resentment builds and over time becomes a volcano waiting to erupt. This can all be avoided using techniques mapped out in chapter 11 of my book. Many of the problems in a relationship stem from poor listening and poor communication styles. The exercises there are designed to solve these problems and many others before they get out of control. They have to do with letting the other person know you are listening, as well as how to talk to them in a way that they will hear you and not feel threatened. Once that happens, you are able to inspire proactive versus reactive responses, (See my video and blog on that here) as well as make them yourself.
Learning to Communicate Properly
Communicating is not something we are taught well growing up and in most cases we did not have the best examples. For this reason we need to be trained in new techniques that will allow for harmony amongst different types.
It is important to let go of who is “right” or “wrong” and get in touch with how you are feeling and express that to your partner. It is also important to understand how he or she is feeling so you both feel safe in the communication. During this process, to avoid detaching from your love for one another, there are the 17 rules in an argument, also explained in Chapter 11. These insure both partners feel secure and don’t cross a line of saying something they later regret.
The communication exercises and techniques also act as a good indicator of whether or not you are with the right partner. It shows you how to match your communication styles as well as your level of commitment, which is the biggest factor is knowing if the relationship is meant to be.
An uncomplimentary relationship can easily be turned around allowing for compassion and a new level of understanding by creating more effective communications with each other.
An important question to ask in any relationship is, do you feel expressed, heard and feel respected and appreciated. All the exercises in the book are designed to help both partners feel that way.
More blogs like this, on relationships and my book can be found by clicking the tab above entitled: "Relationships 101" or by clicking here.